Happy Place
by Satin Ragdoll
Summary: Some people don't have a happy place.
1. Contemplation

Happy Place

by Satin Ragdoll

Christine Chapel rolled the tiny bottle back and forth between her hands. She often did so when she was nervous. Today, she was receiving the Federation Peace Prize, quite an honor. It was for her work with the Omnicron Ceti III spores. Nobody else had the brilliance, or sheer doggedness, to pursue that scientific endeavor.

She had tried to get Spock to help. Understandably, he had wanted nothing to do with it. He had been severly shaken by the whole thing, although he would never admit it. But, there had been such potential! The health benefits had been enough to make her mouth water. If only she could separate the other effects out. That had proven exceptionally difficult. So difficult that she had simply kept it as a pet project on the back burner, only working on it when she had the extra time, which unfortunately wasn't as much as she wished.

Finally, after years and years of off and on work, she had come up with what was called Chapel's Solution. It would extend one's life-span dramatically! Trouble was, it was so costly to make. Well, she would leave that to others. She had done the science.

In the trial and error process, other discoveries had come to light. One was in the little bottle she held in her hand. She called it, "Liquid Happy Place." It was the formula that caused the euphoric reaction of the spores. Chapel kept it as a comfort factor. She couldn't get rid of it. Not for herself, no. She _never _wanted to lose control like that again. It led to bad things. But...she never got over the sight of _him _hanging upside-down from that tree, grinning. It was wrong, so wrong. All his Spockness had been stripped away. It was wrong, but it was so...beautiful. So very beautiful. So she could not bear throwing the bottle away, although she told herself she would never _ever _use it. Never.


	2. Shot!

Christine stood at the podium in the midst of applause. She blushed. She had never been able to control her blush response. It was the one thing they had always ribbed her about in Ops. Public attention always made her nervous. That was another thing she had learned in Ops, having to watch out for trouble all the time. It had made her vigilant. She was always scanning the crowd, looking for anything...unusual. It was an unconscious response, by now. That's why she saw that one unhappy face, first. It didn't give her enough time to avoid the shot, however. There was pain, and there was blood, and she was going down.

McCoy came out of surgery, pale and shaken. The Captain was waiting, as always, to find out the extent, see if there was anything he could do. Spock's quiet presence was there as well. He adressed both of them, "An old style bullet, surprisingly. That's not the problem. I was able to take care of that damage without much difficulty. The problem is that it was coated in a toxin I've never seen before. I've loaded her with anti-tox, but it's going to be hit and miss. Plus, she's going to be in a good deal of pain. She's out now, but I'll let you know when she's able to have visitors." Bones sat down, tired. "Poor Chris. Always in one sort of muck or another. She never seems to catch a break, does she?"


	3. Angry Place

Christine Chapel just about shrieked. It was a sound that Len had never heard come out of her mouth, before. "What did that miserable low-life do to me? I've never hurt so much in all my life!"

McCoy spoke to her in slow, calm tones, explaining what had happened. She was livid. "Why that-" Christine let fly a stream of invective that made even McCoy blush. With his language that was saying something. He had heard that Ops did that to one. Hmph. Now he knew.

"Ah, Christine...I don't know if getting your knickers in a twist is such a good idea. I'm not sure how this toxin will respond to that amount of adrenaline. Maybe you should, I don't know, try to find your happy place or something."

She gritted her teeth at him, "For you information, _Leonard, _I don't have a happy place. Right now, this is my angry place, and if you don't find me something that will ease this pain, _you'll _find yourself in a very _unhappy _place! So either give me something that will _help _me, or go away and leave me alone!"

McCoy skittered, "Yes, _ma'am! _Sheesh!" He injected her, and she immediately breathed a little easier, "Sorry, Len. Rage has always been my first response to pain. I don't know what's wrong with me."

He blew it off, "Everybody reacts differently. I'm just glad Spock wasn't here to see it. On the other hand, it just might have rattled that Vulcan cage of his."

She huffed, "That'll be the day. Green-blooded hobgoblin."

Bones' brows shot up, "Hey! That's my line! Besides, I thought you loved him, although I'll never understand why."

Chapel's own brows shot up, "You care for him, too, and don't pretend you don't! Of course, I still love him. I love him, but sometimes he drives me plum crazy!"

She sighed, "Just ignore me, Len. This still hurts, and I'm a pain when I'm in pain. That and it's sour grapes, you know?"

McCoy nodded, "Yeah. I know."


	4. Vulcan Place

Chapel was breathing slowly and calmly when Spock came in. After hearing of her previous reaction from McCoy he had expected her to be more...volatile.

"Commander Chapel." She opened her eyes and addressed him in calm tones, "Mr. Spock. Once and for all when I'm not on duty my name is Christine. Haven't we been through this? 'Christine'. That's not so hard is it?"

Spock's lips tipped up the barest amount, "Christine. From what the good doctor has told me, you appear to be calmer. Are you in less pain, or have you indeed found your 'happy place'? Although I fail to understand the terminology."

Chapel's lips tipped up even less than Spock's had. "A 'happy place' is the memory of a place that has brought you the most joy, Spock. Bringing back a 'happy place' memory reduces stress, at least for humans. But, as I told McCoy, I don't have a happy place. This is my Vulcan place. It's calm, and it's cold, and it's keeping me from screaming, because I'm still in a great deal of pain." She wet her lips, "There is one thing you can do for me if you want to help me, Mr. Spock. Play your lyrette for me. Please. I've always found it so soothing."

Spock was relieved. That was one thing he could do. "Of course, ...Christine."

She smiled, and then grimaced in pain. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and muttered, "Back to my Vulcan place."


	5. Tiny Bottle

Spock had gone by his quarters to pick up his lyrette. On his way back to sick-bay, he had stopped by Chapel's quarters to see if there was anything he saw that she might need.

On her night stand, Spock saw a tiny vial of white liquid. Curious, he picked it up to look at it. It held a tiny label, "Omnicron Ceti III". He quirked a brow. Could this be Chapel's Solution? If it was, then why had she not said she had a sample, since it could have saved her a great deal of pain? If it was not, then what was it? He was not aware of anything else she would have with her as a result of her research. Was this something new she had yet to disclose? Exceedingly curious, he pocketed the bottle to ask when he saw her.

When Spock got back, Chapel was out cold. McCoy was very concerned, "She was in so much pain, I had to give her a sedative. I'm worried, Spock. This much pain, it's wearing her down. I don't know how much more of it she can take. If this continues, I might have to put her into an induced coma until this toxin works itself out of her system. I don't want to, though. Not without knowing more about the stuff."

Spock decided to ask him about the vial. "Doctor, when visiting Chapel's quarters, I came across this." He showed him the tiny bottle. "Do you think it might be Chapel's Solution?" McCoy examined it, "Shoot, I don't know, Spock. Chapel played her research pretty close to the vest. I've never seen a sample, personally. Plus, I don't know enough of the bio-chemistry to make even an educated guess. That was her forte, not mine, and I know this kitty was even difficult for her! I just don't know. But if it is, then why didn't she tell us?"

Spock regarded him seriously, "My thoughts exactly. Doctor, is this substance...toxic?" McCoy scanned the little vial's contents. "No, not toxic. Unbelievably complex, but not toxic. There's something, though. I can't quite put my finger on it. Why, Spock? What are you thinking?"

Spock's brows dipped down in concentration, "While there is no certainty, it is a logical assumption that the contents of the vial are indeed Chapel's Solution. In that case, and seeing as the contents are not toxic, I make the suggestion that we give her the contents of her vial."

McCoy was livid. "Now wait just a bloody minute, Spock! We can't just go and do that, we have no idea what that stuff is!"

Spock was resolute, "The chances that the contents are not, indeed, Chapel's Solution are remote, Doctor. If it is not, and if it does her any harm, than I take full responsibility. After all, I was the one who found the bottle. But if we sit here and do nothing, we simply condemn her to more pain. Pain that may be unneccessary."

McCoy growled, "Have I called you a cold-blooded hobgoblin, lately?"

"No, doctor, much to my relief, you have not."

"Then I've been lax! Thing is, I think you're right. I've just about run out of ideas on my own. I hope we're doing the right thing, here, Spock. I sure don't want to hurt her."

"Neither do I, doctor. Neither do I."


	6. Liquid Happy

McCoy prepared a hypospray, "Say, Spock, did they ever find out why that guy shot her in the first place?"

Spock's face showed the faintest trace of disgust, "Apparently he is one of those vehemently against any kind of medical research at all. He believes in letting everyone die naturally, no matter what kind of suffering they are in."

Bones snorted, "And he shoots her with a toxic coated bullet."

"Agreed. Highly illogical."

They entered to where Christine lay resting. Even under sedation her skin was pale, and they both could see that she'd been sweating.

McCoy muttered under his breath, "Here goes nothing," and injected her.

Christine came awake with a startled, "Oh!" For a moment she just lay there blinking. Then a slow, sweet smile crept over her face, and she looked up at the two men watching her rather sheepishly, "Not that I care very much at this point, but would you two fine gentlemen tell me what the heck you just did?"

Bones immediately pointed to Spock, "It was his idea!" They told her about finding the bottle, and the hope it was Chapel's Solution.

Christine did a face-palm and started to laugh gently, "Oh, dear me! You should have woken me up and asked me. That wasn't Chapel's Solution, that was 'Liquid Happy Place'!" At their confused stares she reiterrated, "As in 'Mr.-Spock-hanging-upside-down-from-a-tree-limb' happy place."

They both stared at her aghast as she just smiled, "Now, will one of you two beautiful people please get me something to drink? I'm parched!"

As McCoy went to get her a glass of water, he eyed Spock with an almost malicious smile,"Chances are remote, hmm? She's blissed out, Spock, and I'm seriously tempted to let _you _be the one to deal with her!"

Spock sighed, "It would be, as you say, 'poetic justice'."


	7. A Time of Rest

Chapel sat quietly in bed, reading, when Spock came to visit her. She smiled up at him, "Hello, beautiful! How are you?"

His lips ticked up just a touch, "I am well. How are you?" She grinned, "I'm doing much better. Surprisingly, the substance in my little vial seems to be counteracting the toxin. Hmm. Anyway, I've just been taking it easy. It's all McCoy will let me do. It's nice to rest for a change. I can't tell you the last time I felt so good."

Spock scowled a bit, "Christine, I don't have to tell you that's artificial."

She scowled a bit in return, "So? Does that matter so much, Mr. Spock? I'm happy. I get to rest on my laurels a bit. Normally, I don't get to be happy. Never have, no matter how much I tried. I was never...nevermind, Spock. Just nevermind. It's not important. I'm happy right now, Spock, that's what's important. Can't I just be happy for a little while, please?"

He regarded her seriously, "You know it has to end sometime, Christine."

She whined a little, "Yeah, but not today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. I'd like to have just one full day in my life where I was happy, just happy. So if you're here to break my heart again, buzz off! But if you're here to keep me company, and maybe, just maybe play your lyrette for me, then you're welcome to stay."

Spock sighed, "Very well," and began to play. He knew there was a reckoning coming, but he would do as she asked and leave it for another day.


	8. Hard Conversation

Jim, Spock, and McCoy were all in McCoy's office discussing Christine Chapel. Kirk said it for all of them, "Somebody's going to have to break her."

McCoy grumbled, "I wish it didn't have to be so. She's so happy right now. Everybody has the right to be happy." He eyed Spock, "Well, those that want to be, that is."

James Kirk chewed his bottom lip and watched his First Officer. "I hate to say it, Spock, but you are the logical one to do this. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes." Spock nodded. Kirk rubbed his eyes. He was tired. "Well, I'm turning in. Keep me informed." With that he left.

McCoy sighed and shook his head, "Poor Chris. Right back to the same old mess. I feel so sorry for her."

Spock was taken aback, "Why do you feel sorry for her? She is quite an accomplished woman in all respects!"

Bones was angry, "You just don't get it, do you, Spock? All the accomplishments in the world mean nothing when you have a hole in your heart. You haven't seen seen her when she thinks no one is looking. She touches her brow, touches her ears and mutters to herself, 'Not Vulcan.' Do you know what those words mean to her, Spock? They mean 'not good enough'. Not good enough to be accepted or loved for who she is, by the one person she loves the most. And why? Because she's _human_. She has to face the pain of never measuring up every time she faces _you! _Compared to that, everything else falls to dust. After all you've been through, a person might think you would be a little less _prejudiced _in your choices, Spock. _You-know-who_ turned out to be a traitor. It might be time to consider 'not Vulcan' after all!"

Bones rubbed his own eyes, "I'm sorry, Spock. I'm tired. And I'm just so bloody sorry for Chris!"

Spock steepled his fingers, "Indeed."


	9. Meditation

Spock sat in his quarters, fingers steepled, meditating. Christine Chapel. Their road had been a rocky one from the very beginning. During the Psi virus, she had confessed her love for him. Unfortunately, they both had been engaged at the time. He had never told her, never told anyone, but even if there had been no virus her outpouring would have affected him. He had felt the force of her unbridled emotion. It was so strong and so pure! He had never felt so accepted in his life. Certainly never from his intended_. _T'Pring had always been so _cold, _even for a Vulcan. Despite that he could not, _could not, _give Christine what she needed. Not then.

Things were compounded when she came to him with that _soup! _He had lost control. She hadn't understood how _degrading _that was for her. How it _looked _to him! He had thrown the soup and it had taken all of his control not to throw her, too. It was only after much difficult meditation that he was able to understand that she was only trying to be kind.

When she had come to him again, something had changed in him. It was reaching out, and it was reaching out for _her. _He had known it was dangerous, very dangerous, but right at that point, he could not have ordered her away.

After he had come back from Vulcan, he had sensed an uneasiness in her. It seemed like she was waiting. It slowly eased, and there seemed to be a kind of peace between them. That lasted until Parmen. After that Christine avoided him like the plague. At first it was a relief. He thought maybe she was finally over him. Then McCoy took him aside and explained that she was ashamed.

This upset him more than he thought it would. She should not be ashamed, it was not her fault! Every time he would try to confront her, she would run the other way. Finally he gave up trying.

Then there was the very brief time they shared consciousness. During that time he realized what a truly beautiful soul she had. Afterwards, however, she had seemed to become even more withdrawn and sad. It wasn't long after that Christine left the ship and started medical school, although she did sit by him during that mockery of a trial.

She had returned to the _Enterprise _while he was still at Gol. On seeing her again, he had felt nothing, at least at that time. After the meld with V'ger, he had sought her out, but she had been surprisingly reluctant. After a slow, awkward start, they had been easing into a friendship that could have developed into something further. Then he had died and been reborn.

After his refusion, it had taken him a long time to remember her. It had taken even longer to truly understand the emotional implications of all they had been through, before. In utter emotional exhaustion, she had pushed him away, and he had understood. He hadn't known she still loved him, and nobody had told him for a long time. Finally Uhura had broken down and confessed to him that her friend still had feelings for him. But by that time, he was distracted by Valeris. Valeris who had betrayed them all.

Throughout everything they had been through, Christine had always been unswervingly supportive, loving and kind. She accepted him for all that he was. She was physically and emotionally one of the strongest human women he had ever known, including his own mother.

T'Pring had never accepted him. Valeris...Valeris also wanted him to be something other than what he was. Christine had always been there for him. Always. When Valeris had betrayed them, Spock had asked Kirk if they had become so old and inflexible that they had outlived their usefulness.

Had he, Spock, become so blind to the value of a woman who wasn't Vulcan that he had ignored her or turned away for so many years? Was this another joke?

This was unacceptable. Totally unacceptable. Spock left his meditation and went directly to sickbay. This would have to be remedied. Immediately.


	10. A New Happy Place

Christine looked up as Spock walked in, "Hello, beautiful! What's up?"

Spock sighed, "Christine. Please. Can you not call me 'beautiful'?"

She laughed, "Why not? You are, you know. _Very _beautiful. Well, at least to me." She fake scowled, "But I guess you _Vulcans _don't like cutesy names. So sue me! I can afford it. I'm a famed doctor and scientist, after all!"

Spock sighed and rolled his eyes, "May we be serious now?"

She instantly sobered, "Uh oh, Spock. I don't like this. You're going to kill my joy-buzz, aren't you?"

He nodded, "Yes, Christine. I am."

Christine frowned and turned her head away, "So go ahead, Spock. Go and break my heart again. Tell me Vulcans don't love. Which I don't believe, by the way. Tell me you will never love me. That you will never want me. That I'm a stupid, hopeless, emotional woman that will never, never, _never _be Vulcan enough for you!"

Spock shook her shoulder gently, "Christine!"

She looked at him in aggravation, "What?"

Spock took Chapel's hand and folded her thumb and last two fingers over, leaving her first two fingers straight. He took his own first two fingers and stroked them over her own.

Christine startled as she recognized the Vulcan sign for public affection. She gasped at the warm, tingling sensation that washed through her at that touch.

"Oh, my! Spock..."

"Shhh..." Spock gently cupped her face in his hands. He barely brushed his lips to her own before he pulled away. Christine just stared at him, shell-shocked. Spock pressed his brow to her own, "Give me a few seconds, please. Human kissing is always overwhelming to a Vulcan." All she could do was nod.

This time Spock kissed her fully, opening his mouth for her tongue. Christine kissed him back full force, artificial joy-buzz dissolving before the real thing.

"Oh, Spock! This is real? Tell me this is real. Please, please tell me I'm not dreaming!"

Spock's lips tipped up, "You are not dreaming, Christine."

She smiled up at him, radiant, "I don't think you know how happy you've made me." Her smile faded a bit and she socked him in the arm, "It's about time, you big dope! Do you know how long I've waited for you to come around?"

Spock stroked her cheek, gently. "I apologize for making you wait so long. It was...illogical."

She laughed and kissed him again. Spock was met with the sweetest, strongest, most accepting rush of emotion he had ever felt from anyone as her love for him wrapped itself around him like a blanket. Something within him responded to it, recognizing it as home.

He pulled back and looked at her, looking into her eyes. She smiled gently at him, "I love you, and I always will. That's not going away. Get used to it."

Spock gently brushed his fingers over her lips, "I realise I don't want it to go away. You have been there for me, Christine, always. You have been there for me when I did not want it, or realise I needed it. I want to be there for you, now. I want us to be together. Would you bond with me, and be my wife?"

All she could do was nod, to overcome to speak. Spock's fingers clasped her temples and he spoke the ritual words, Christine responding to them, "Never and always, touching and touched. Apart yet one. I join with you now in the Vulcan way, never to be parted again."

Spock went deeper and deeper into Christine's mind, as she shuddered with reaction, eyes wide. Deeper and deeper, strengthening their bond, until neither of them could tell where one ended and the other began. They were one, bonded together forever.

oOo

Kirk was happy for his best friend. Uhura was estcatic. McCoy, of course, was insufferably smug. Kirk had to tell him to "get over himself". Amanda was on cloud nine. She had liked Chapel since Babel. Sarek was his usual reserved Vulcan self, but Amanda told Chapel later that he was as proud as a peacock. He had liked Chapel, as well.

Deep, deep, down in her private mind, Christine hoped T'Pring had an apoplexy. It would serve her right.

oOo

Bryan G. Robertson was very confused. He went around and around it in his head, and he still didn't get it. After what he had done, why in _blazes _had he gotten a dozen white roses from Christine Chapel? He had shot her, for Heaven's sake!

Fin.


End file.
